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Puns for days

Liezexo

Active Member
Retired
Messages
856
Reactions
594
Points
43
Thread starter #1
I'm a big fan of puns and I hope I'm not alone on that front. I felt almost obligated to do this since no one else has, so I took the liberty of making this thread, obviously.
By now you most likely get the point of the game, just throw in your best or worst puns, whatever floats your boat.

Here's a few to start it off:
1. It's been raining for 3 days without stopping. My friend's in depression, she's standing and looking through the window. If the rain doesn't stop tomorrow, I'll have to let her in.
2. My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.
3. Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
4. How does a computer get drunk? It takes screenshots.
 
D

Deleted member 4481

Guest
#2
I got one,
You see a Ginger Girl (No offence to any out there), you go up to her and say:
Is it hot in here / out here (depending on where your standing) or is it just you ;)
 
Messages
106
Reactions
38
Points
18
#3
Just copying a huge list my friend and I made 3 years ago.


Pun 1: I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

Pun 2: I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.

Pun 3: I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

Pun 4: I used to be a banker but I lost interest.

Pun 5: Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

Pun 6: The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.

Pun 7: I don't trust these stairs because they're always up to something.

Pun 8: Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

Pun 9: My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.

Pun 10: I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

Pun 11: He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

Pun 12: I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.

Pun 13: The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.

Pun 14: I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.

Pun 15: When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.

Pun 16: Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Pun 17: What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

Pun 18: I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.

Pun 19: What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire.

Pun 20: Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

Pun 21: I saw a beaver movie last night, it was the best dam movie I've ever seen.

Pun 22: The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

Pun 23: I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.

Pun 24: The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

Pun 25: To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

Pun 26: I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

Pun 27: A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.

Pun 28: The girl quit her job at the doughnut factory because she was fed up with the hole business.

Pun 29: There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.

Pun 30: The first time I used an elevator it was really uplifting, then it let me down.

Pun 31: I think Santa has riverfront property in Brazil. All our presents came from Amazon this year.

Pun 32: Always trust a glue salesman. They tend to stick to their word.

Pun 33: It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

Pun 34: Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can't hit the high seas.

Pun 35: If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor.

Pun 36: Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

Pun 37: Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat says to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head'.

Pun 38: Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.

Pun 39: When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

Pun 40: What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

Pun 41: Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.

Pun 42: I knew a woman who owned a taser, man was she stunning!

Pun 43: How do they figure out the price of hammers? Per pound.

Pun 44: Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?

Pun 45: The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

Pun 46: Did you hear about the crime that happened in a parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.

Pun 47: I really wanted a camouflage shirt, but I couldn't find one.

Pun 48: Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.

Pun 49: Why did the pig stop sunbathing? He was bacon in the heat.

Pun 50: Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.

Pun 51: The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.

Pun 52: My daughter asked me if I was having fun doing the laundry. I replied, 'Loads.'

Pun 53: I was going to tell you a joke about infinity, but it didn't have an ending!

Pun 54: I was struggling to figure out how lightning works then it struck me.

Pun 55: I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted.

Pun 56: People are choosing cremation over traditional burial. It shows that they are thinking out of the box.

Pun 57: I didn’t like my beard at first, but then it grew on me.

Pun 58: I heard that Apple is designing a new car but they’re having trouble installing the windows.

Pun 59: The worst part about throwing a party in space is that you have to planet.

Pun 60: I was walking through a quarry and I said to the foreman, “That’s a large rock!” “Boulder,” he corrected. So I puffed up my chest and shouted, “That’s an enormous rock there!”

Pun 61: What does a house wear? A dress.

Pun 62: The guy who jumped off a bridge in Paris was in Seine.

Pun 63: When a chemist dies, you have to Barium.

Pun 64: Apparently, you should not take a day off when you work for a calendar company.

Pun 65: They’re finally making a movie called “Clocks”. It’s about time.

Pun 66: The tale of the haunted refrigerator was chilling.

Pun 67: Jokes with punchlines are painfully funny.

Pun 68: I used to be a baby but I grew out of it.

Pun 69: An untalented gymnast walks into a bar…

Pun 70: Lif is too short.

Pun 71: Long fairy tales always dragon.

Pun 72: A man got injured when a pile of books fell on him. He’s only got his shelf to blame.

Pun 73: I put a high-voltage electric fence around my property today. My neighbor is dead against it.

Pun 74: I make apocalyptic jokes like there’s no tomorrow.

Pun 75: The bomb didn’t want to go off, so it refused.

Pun 76: For fungi to grow you must give it as mushroom as possible.

Pun 77: There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

Pun 78: What do you call a dinosaur with an advanced vocabulary? A thesaurus.

Pun 79: I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.

Pun 80: Organ donors put their heart into it.

Pun 81: Rest in peace boiling water, you will be mist.

Pun 82: My new diet consists of aircraft, but it’s a little too plane.

Pun 83: 6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.

Pun 84: Many architects are the best at coming up with concrete plans.

Pun 85: Being dead is something everyone should try at least once.

Pun 86: You didn’t hear about the three holes on the ground? Well, well, well…

Pun 87: My grandma is on speed dial and now I just call her Instagram.

Pun 88: Simba was walking too slow in front of me so I told him to Mufasa.

Pun 89: I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
 

Liezexo

Active Member
Retired
Messages
856
Reactions
594
Points
43
Thread starter #4
@mcparadip That’s a hell of a list mate, kudos to that! Imma enjoy reading those.
(I’d quote it but it was too much for my phone to handle, so a tag it is)
 
Messages
98
Reactions
55
Points
8
#5
Just copying a huge list my friend and I made 3 years ago.


Pun 1: I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

Pun 2: I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.

Pun 3: I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

Pun 4: I used to be a banker but I lost interest.

Pun 5: Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

Pun 6: The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.

Pun 7: I don't trust these stairs because they're always up to something.

Pun 8: Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

Pun 9: My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.

Pun 10: I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

Pun 11: He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

Pun 12: I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.

Pun 13: The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.

Pun 14: I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.

Pun 15: When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.

Pun 16: Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Pun 17: What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

Pun 18: I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.

Pun 19: What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire.

Pun 20: Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

Pun 21: I saw a beaver movie last night, it was the best dam movie I've ever seen.

Pun 22: The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

Pun 23: I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.

Pun 24: The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

Pun 25: To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

Pun 26: I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

Pun 27: A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.

Pun 28: The girl quit her job at the doughnut factory because she was fed up with the hole business.

Pun 29: There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.

Pun 30: The first time I used an elevator it was really uplifting, then it let me down.

Pun 31: I think Santa has riverfront property in Brazil. All our presents came from Amazon this year.

Pun 32: Always trust a glue salesman. They tend to stick to their word.

Pun 33: It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

Pun 34: Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can't hit the high seas.

Pun 35: If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor.

Pun 36: Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

Pun 37: Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat says to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head'.

Pun 38: Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.

Pun 39: When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

Pun 40: What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

Pun 41: Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.

Pun 42: I knew a woman who owned a taser, man was she stunning!

Pun 43: How do they figure out the price of hammers? Per pound.

Pun 44: Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?

Pun 45: The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

Pun 46: Did you hear about the crime that happened in a parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.

Pun 47: I really wanted a camouflage shirt, but I couldn't find one.

Pun 48: Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.

Pun 49: Why did the pig stop sunbathing? He was bacon in the heat.

Pun 50: Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.

Pun 51: The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.

Pun 52: My daughter asked me if I was having fun doing the laundry. I replied, 'Loads.'

Pun 53: I was going to tell you a joke about infinity, but it didn't have an ending!

Pun 54: I was struggling to figure out how lightning works then it struck me.

Pun 55: I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted.

Pun 56: People are choosing cremation over traditional burial. It shows that they are thinking out of the box.

Pun 57: I didn’t like my beard at first, but then it grew on me.

Pun 58: I heard that Apple is designing a new car but they’re having trouble installing the windows.

Pun 59: The worst part about throwing a party in space is that you have to planet.

Pun 60: I was walking through a quarry and I said to the foreman, “That’s a large rock!” “Boulder,” he corrected. So I puffed up my chest and shouted, “That’s an enormous rock there!”

Pun 61: What does a house wear? A dress.

Pun 62: The guy who jumped off a bridge in Paris was in Seine.

Pun 63: When a chemist dies, you have to Barium.

Pun 64: Apparently, you should not take a day off when you work for a calendar company.

Pun 65: They’re finally making a movie called “Clocks”. It’s about time.

Pun 66: The tale of the haunted refrigerator was chilling.

Pun 67: Jokes with punchlines are painfully funny.

Pun 68: I used to be a baby but I grew out of it.

Pun 69: An untalented gymnast walks into a bar…

Pun 70: Lif is too short.

Pun 71: Long fairy tales always dragon.

Pun 72: A man got injured when a pile of books fell on him. He’s only got his shelf to blame.

Pun 73: I put a high-voltage electric fence around my property today. My neighbor is dead against it.

Pun 74: I make apocalyptic jokes like there’s no tomorrow.

Pun 75: The bomb didn’t want to go off, so it refused.

Pun 76: For fungi to grow you must give it as mushroom as possible.

Pun 77: There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

Pun 78: What do you call a dinosaur with an advanced vocabulary? A thesaurus.

Pun 79: I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.

Pun 80: Organ donors put their heart into it.

Pun 81: Rest in peace boiling water, you will be mist.

Pun 82: My new diet consists of aircraft, but it’s a little too plane.

Pun 83: 6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.

Pun 84: Many architects are the best at coming up with concrete plans.

Pun 85: Being dead is something everyone should try at least once.

Pun 86: You didn’t hear about the three holes on the ground? Well, well, well…

Pun 87: My grandma is on speed dial and now I just call her Instagram.

Pun 88: Simba was walking too slow in front of me so I told him to Mufasa.

Pun 89: I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Oof what a big list xD
 

Ammo1

Formerly known as Ammo_God_YT
Messages
129
Reactions
91
Points
18
#6
Just copying a huge list my friend and I made 3 years ago.


Pun 1: I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

Pun 2: I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.

Pun 3: I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

Pun 4: I used to be a banker but I lost interest.

Pun 5: Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

Pun 6: The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.

Pun 7: I don't trust these stairs because they're always up to something.

Pun 8: Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

Pun 9: My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.

Pun 10: I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

Pun 11: He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

Pun 12: I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.

Pun 13: The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.

Pun 14: I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.

Pun 15: When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.

Pun 16: Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Pun 17: What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

Pun 18: I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.

Pun 19: What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire.

Pun 20: Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

Pun 21: I saw a beaver movie last night, it was the best dam movie I've ever seen.

Pun 22: The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

Pun 23: I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.

Pun 24: The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

Pun 25: To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

Pun 26: I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

Pun 27: A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.

Pun 28: The girl quit her job at the doughnut factory because she was fed up with the hole business.

Pun 29: There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.

Pun 30: The first time I used an elevator it was really uplifting, then it let me down.

Pun 31: I think Santa has riverfront property in Brazil. All our presents came from Amazon this year.

Pun 32: Always trust a glue salesman. They tend to stick to their word.

Pun 33: It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

Pun 34: Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can't hit the high seas.

Pun 35: If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor.

Pun 36: Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

Pun 37: Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat says to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head'.

Pun 38: Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.

Pun 39: When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

Pun 40: What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

Pun 41: Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.

Pun 42: I knew a woman who owned a taser, man was she stunning!

Pun 43: How do they figure out the price of hammers? Per pound.

Pun 44: Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?

Pun 45: The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

Pun 46: Did you hear about the crime that happened in a parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.

Pun 47: I really wanted a camouflage shirt, but I couldn't find one.

Pun 48: Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.

Pun 49: Why did the pig stop sunbathing? He was bacon in the heat.

Pun 50: Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.

Pun 51: The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.

Pun 52: My daughter asked me if I was having fun doing the laundry. I replied, 'Loads.'

Pun 53: I was going to tell you a joke about infinity, but it didn't have an ending!

Pun 54: I was struggling to figure out how lightning works then it struck me.

Pun 55: I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted.

Pun 56: People are choosing cremation over traditional burial. It shows that they are thinking out of the box.

Pun 57: I didn’t like my beard at first, but then it grew on me.

Pun 58: I heard that Apple is designing a new car but they’re having trouble installing the windows.

Pun 59: The worst part about throwing a party in space is that you have to planet.

Pun 60: I was walking through a quarry and I said to the foreman, “That’s a large rock!” “Boulder,” he corrected. So I puffed up my chest and shouted, “That’s an enormous rock there!”

Pun 61: What does a house wear? A dress.

Pun 62: The guy who jumped off a bridge in Paris was in Seine.

Pun 63: When a chemist dies, you have to Barium.

Pun 64: Apparently, you should not take a day off when you work for a calendar company.

Pun 65: They’re finally making a movie called “Clocks”. It’s about time.

Pun 66: The tale of the haunted refrigerator was chilling.

Pun 67: Jokes with punchlines are painfully funny.

Pun 68: I used to be a baby but I grew out of it.

Pun 69: An untalented gymnast walks into a bar…

Pun 70: Lif is too short.

Pun 71: Long fairy tales always dragon.

Pun 72: A man got injured when a pile of books fell on him. He’s only got his shelf to blame.

Pun 73: I put a high-voltage electric fence around my property today. My neighbor is dead against it.

Pun 74: I make apocalyptic jokes like there’s no tomorrow.

Pun 75: The bomb didn’t want to go off, so it refused.

Pun 76: For fungi to grow you must give it as mushroom as possible.

Pun 77: There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

Pun 78: What do you call a dinosaur with an advanced vocabulary? A thesaurus.

Pun 79: I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.

Pun 80: Organ donors put their heart into it.

Pun 81: Rest in peace boiling water, you will be mist.

Pun 82: My new diet consists of aircraft, but it’s a little too plane.

Pun 83: 6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.

Pun 84: Many architects are the best at coming up with concrete plans.

Pun 85: Being dead is something everyone should try at least once.

Pun 86: You didn’t hear about the three holes on the ground? Well, well, well…

Pun 87: My grandma is on speed dial and now I just call her Instagram.

Pun 88: Simba was walking too slow in front of me so I told him to Mufasa.

Pun 89: I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
That list actually made my day, not gonna lie. Amazing
 

ItzBoo

Active Member
Messages
225
Reactions
108
Points
28
#7
Just copying a huge list my friend and I made 3 years ago.


Pun 1: I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

Pun 2: I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.

Pun 3: I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

Pun 4: I used to be a banker but I lost interest.

Pun 5: Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

Pun 6: The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.

Pun 7: I don't trust these stairs because they're always up to something.

Pun 8: Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

Pun 9: My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.

Pun 10: I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

Pun 11: He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

Pun 12: I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.

Pun 13: The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.

Pun 14: I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.

Pun 15: When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.

Pun 16: Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Pun 17: What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

Pun 18: I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.

Pun 19: What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire.

Pun 20: Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

Pun 21: I saw a beaver movie last night, it was the best dam movie I've ever seen.

Pun 22: The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

Pun 23: I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.

Pun 24: The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

Pun 25: To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

Pun 26: I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

Pun 27: A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.

Pun 28: The girl quit her job at the doughnut factory because she was fed up with the hole business.

Pun 29: There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.

Pun 30: The first time I used an elevator it was really uplifting, then it let me down.

Pun 31: I think Santa has riverfront property in Brazil. All our presents came from Amazon this year.

Pun 32: Always trust a glue salesman. They tend to stick to their word.

Pun 33: It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

Pun 34: Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can't hit the high seas.

Pun 35: If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor.

Pun 36: Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

Pun 37: Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat says to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head'.

Pun 38: Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.

Pun 39: When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

Pun 40: What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

Pun 41: Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.

Pun 42: I knew a woman who owned a taser, man was she stunning!

Pun 43: How do they figure out the price of hammers? Per pound.

Pun 44: Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?

Pun 45: The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

Pun 46: Did you hear about the crime that happened in a parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.

Pun 47: I really wanted a camouflage shirt, but I couldn't find one.

Pun 48: Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.

Pun 49: Why did the pig stop sunbathing? He was bacon in the heat.

Pun 50: Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.

Pun 51: The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.

Pun 52: My daughter asked me if I was having fun doing the laundry. I replied, 'Loads.'

Pun 53: I was going to tell you a joke about infinity, but it didn't have an ending!

Pun 54: I was struggling to figure out how lightning works then it struck me.

Pun 55: I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted.

Pun 56: People are choosing cremation over traditional burial. It shows that they are thinking out of the box.

Pun 57: I didn’t like my beard at first, but then it grew on me.

Pun 58: I heard that Apple is designing a new car but they’re having trouble installing the windows.

Pun 59: The worst part about throwing a party in space is that you have to planet.

Pun 60: I was walking through a quarry and I said to the foreman, “That’s a large rock!” “Boulder,” he corrected. So I puffed up my chest and shouted, “That’s an enormous rock there!”

Pun 61: What does a house wear? A dress.

Pun 62: The guy who jumped off a bridge in Paris was in Seine.

Pun 63: When a chemist dies, you have to Barium.

Pun 64: Apparently, you should not take a day off when you work for a calendar company.

Pun 65: They’re finally making a movie called “Clocks”. It’s about time.

Pun 66: The tale of the haunted refrigerator was chilling.

Pun 67: Jokes with punchlines are painfully funny.

Pun 68: I used to be a baby but I grew out of it.

Pun 69: An untalented gymnast walks into a bar…

Pun 70: Lif is too short.

Pun 71: Long fairy tales always dragon.

Pun 72: A man got injured when a pile of books fell on him. He’s only got his shelf to blame.

Pun 73: I put a high-voltage electric fence around my property today. My neighbor is dead against it.

Pun 74: I make apocalyptic jokes like there’s no tomorrow.

Pun 75: The bomb didn’t want to go off, so it refused.

Pun 76: For fungi to grow you must give it as mushroom as possible.

Pun 77: There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

Pun 78: What do you call a dinosaur with an advanced vocabulary? A thesaurus.

Pun 79: I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.

Pun 80: Organ donors put their heart into it.

Pun 81: Rest in peace boiling water, you will be mist.

Pun 82: My new diet consists of aircraft, but it’s a little too plane.

Pun 83: 6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.

Pun 84: Many architects are the best at coming up with concrete plans.

Pun 85: Being dead is something everyone should try at least once.

Pun 86: You didn’t hear about the three holes on the ground? Well, well, well…

Pun 87: My grandma is on speed dial and now I just call her Instagram.

Pun 88: Simba was walking too slow in front of me so I told him to Mufasa.

Pun 89: I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

That’s a long list... I’m gonna enjoy using some of those jokes. ;)